


What If?

by Ellectrix



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Drama, Drama & Romance, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Frustration, Headcanon, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Loneliness, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pale-Red Vacillation, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Quadrant Vacillation, Sleepwalking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 01:18:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14367813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellectrix/pseuds/Ellectrix
Summary: What if you had missed?What if, in all of time and space, the universe frog itself, the forces beyond the veil and the mysterious ways of sgrub, had all come together, all to dictate a single point in the game to change- and you missed?What if you hadn't snapped and pulled your weapon on them?What if you didn't kill your ex-moirail?What if the beam deadly light had missed her just a few inches to the right, and not right through her stomach?What if?





	1. Your Cape Is Stupid

**Author's Note:**

> Wow I just.
> 
> I can't stop making eridave fics. Holy hell.
> 
> someone stop me hng.

What if you had missed?

What if, in all of time and space, the universe frog itself, the forces beyond the veil and the mysterious ways of sgrub, had all come together, all to dictate a single point in the game to change- and you missed?

What if you hadn't snapped and pulled your weapon on them?

What if you didn't kill your ex-moirail?

What if the beam deadly light had missed her just a few inches to the right, and not right through her stomach?

What if?

Who would be the person left behind on his spot?

Who would you be, Eridan Ampora?

-

The party was in full swing behind you, but you didn't bother joining them. Try as they might act like it, no one wants you there. No one wants you anywhere within their approximate vicinity. No one.

Even the newcomers, those weird ‘humans’ wouldn't dare come near you, especially when they'd heard what you had done. What you tried to do. What you could've done. They all think you're oblivious, but you're not. You see the worried glances that ‘blonde’ girl gives you when she talks to Kanaya, or the clearly sympathetic and pitying one that follows after that comes from the jade blood herself. Hell, you're glad for Sollux because at least he doesn't try and hide his contempt for you, and She Who Shall Not Be Named outright ignores you without trying to look like she's ignoring you. Like- she'd answer your question if you had asked, but it'd be curt and any attempt you make to get her alone to apologize for what you had tried do, she'd simply laugh nervously and come up with some excuse as to why she's busy. It usually involves her shitty matesprit telling you off and giving you the finger like the ass that he is. Vriska was being a constant bitch to you, musing about how she was proud that you almost killed two of your friends, while she had only managed to off one of them. That maybe, you are worthy of being her kismesis.

But you know she’s just laying down bait for you to hopelessly and desperately clamour to fill one quadrant with a complete sociopath who didn’t know the word ‘remorse’. You aren’t falling for her devious ploys again. You kismesis with her had been terrible anyway, and you were only realizing that now. The way she bossed you around. The way she had abused you, and taking her ‘prize’ when you had lost. And it was often. You began to despise her for real, past the healthy boundaries of a blackrom relationship before she had suddenly just ended things with you abruptly. How she said you were “no fun” anymore.

Everything is in ruins. So many of you are gone and you almost lowered that number- along with everyone else’s chances of survival- drastically. A few days before, you might not have cared and simply contented yourself to sending them all to hell. You still kind of do, because fuck them and their fake ass friendships. You guess… What hurt the most is the sweeps you've spent along with all of them, yet they all easily throw you away like a rag doll to be dumped in the disposal bin for one stupid act while you were out of your mind, out of the moment, the consequences not sinking into your head. You’re treated as a threat and everyone practices caution around you. Even Kanaya, with all her endless motherly behavior, had prompted you to give up Ahab’s Crosshairs for the meantime as no one will be fighting. No one else had their own weapons confiscated. You were treated like a child being taken away his toys as to not hurt the other children. But it's your fault anyway, you never treasured anyone else except for her, and to be thrown aside like that for someone who’s a total bitchy ass like Sol, it hurts. You’ve spent longer with her. You’ve spent your whole 7 sweeps alive with her. You know her better. You care for her more than anyone you know and you're sure you can surpass how much Sol cares for her because to him, she's just a replacement to Aradia. But she can’t see that. And its frustratingly infuriating to you. Because your world had revolved around her. But to her, you were just a speck in her life.

You just want the best for her. She doesn't deserve some half assed matespritship to help Sollux get over his own emotional bullshittery after Aradia’s passing. It was clear that even through everything, he never really got over her. Its written across his face every time he saw her in her robot body, having a black and red fling with Equius. And the closest one to Ara’s personality before she was brutally murdered by Vriska is via the hands of her own matesprit… well, her.

No matter how you twisted the situation in your head, it always ended with it giving you a deep rooted heartache. And headache. And the loud music behind you doesn't exactly help. You have a still rising urge to just grab your strife weapon and kill everyone in the goddamn meteor and finally get some peace and quiet. Why did you even have to throw a celebratory party for the arrival of the new humans when at least half of your friends are dead? 

When the sliding door to the outer deck opened you hissed and turned your body around to openly growl at the unwanted stranger that's invaded your personal space. The deck was yours, they already have the whole meteor to party at, and this fucking douche bag just decided it would be best to chill with a genocidal troll like you. Who's not in the greatest mood either and you were genuinely considering snapping his neck now and then.

He wouldn't permanently die anyways. His death wouldn't be just or heroic, it would just give you mild gratification and alleviate your ever growing anger and absolute hatred for everything in this goddamn meteor.

At least he actually understood that he was invading your space when he brings his hands up in a sign of surrender. “Whoa, chill with the werewolf fangs, no need to bite my neck off. I'm just here to grab some air, dude.”

“I don't give a shit wwhether you need ‘air’ or wwhatevver else. Get the fuck out before I mangle your flesh wwith just my fuckin bare hands.” You growled, being openly aggressive, something that goes completely unnoticed by the blond. He's either the owner of the thickest think pan in all of sgrub or he honestly just doesn't give a single shit about your mostly empty threats. Its leaning towards half full instead of half empty threats every second he stays in your space though.

He simply looked at you with the blankest stare, and for a moment you stare at him unblinkingly, almost as if you two were in a staring contest, something you're clearly not going to win with the obnoxious shades he wears on his face. In the small amount of time you've spent noticing him, you make note that he doesn't seem to ever take it off.

After who the fuck knows how long of the stupid staring contest, and you finally give up and blink, you notice the faintest hint of a smirk gracing the corners of his lips. Somehow, that managed to infuriate you even more so, but in a different way. You don't actually feel like killing him anymore, just an constant annoyance in the pit of your stomach something your mind immediately notices and screams at you. 

But you turn away and ignore the sirens blaring in your head, refusing to accept the boiling hate brewing inside your very being. You stayed silent for a long while, and you were glad to find that he stayed quiet, allowing you to continue to think about your dilemma further. But now that you think about it, you don't want to continue hurting your own feelings through retroactive introspection and realize more and more me choice mistakes you've done in the past.

So, you turned back towards the blond, who had taken a seat just a few feet away from you, feet out and dangling from between the railing and hands propping him up at a from behind. You fidgeted with the hem of your shirt, not really wanting to be the first one to initiate a conversation, as that would seem like you're starved for attention enough to talk to the same person who you just threatened to kill. And you most certainly are not desperate enough to do that. 

“So,” He simply stated, and you cursed at how fast you had turned your head towards him. He was still wearing that little smirk of his, the only hint of expression on his face. Yeah, you definitely hate him. “What's on your mind?”

You raised an eyebrow at his question before scoffing. “An wwhat makes you think I havve somethin on my mind?” 

You keep your eyes on his, unfalteringly glaring at the reflection of yourself in his shades. He keeps that smug ass smirk on his face, as if he knew something you didn't. “Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror?” 

You growled once again. You were wrong, you definitely want to separate his fucking head from his body and throw it across the vast space of paradox space. “Like you’re any fuckin’ better, wwith your stupid bullshit shades. They’re utterly useless, ww’re literally in the darkness of space they just make look like a huge prick. Oh wwait, you are one. You look like a prick and you act like one, so fuck off.”

To your surprise, he seemed to laugh for a moment before stifling it before a second has even passed, his smirk simply growing wider in what you can read as ‘amusement’. “I wasn’t talking about your looks, dumbass. And you didn’t need to make that distinct clarification, but okay. You could use a bit of adjustment anyways. Those pants are fucking disgusting with the stripes. And lose the cape man, you look just like a self righteous asshole. Oh wait, you are one.” He countered, tilting his head ever so slightly to the side. Still with that smug ass smile. Something about about the action and the words gets you all flared up, frowning further at the other.

“Wwell I’m sorry for your shitty fashion sense. For your information, that much red is tacky. And an eyesore to look at.” You retorted, and his smile of amusement seemed to grow just a tad wider. You cross your arms.

“Man, that was weak. You got nothing else to say?” He snickered, before shifting to face you, bringing his legs from railing onto the deck before sitting crossed legged in front of you. “Here, have at me. Say whatever you want to say at me.”

You bite your lip, staring the other up and down. “Your hair makes you look like a pretentious shitbag.”

“The streak in your hair looks like it was done by a blind pirate using his left hand because he’s too busy using his right hand to properly style some A-list fuck nut for their shooting for an overrated gorilla movie.”

You simply stared at him, dumbfounded. “Wwhat.” It was more of a statement rather than a question because holy fuck you don’t want to hear an actual explanation for that dumpster fire of a run on sentence.

“Ironic humor.” He replied simply with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Pretty sure that doesn’t fit the definition of ‘ironic humor’.” You quipped back.

He stayed stone faced, except for that constant, lingering smirk of his. He ignores what you just said and continues to insult your style. “That scarf makes you look like a try hard hipster pared with that black rimmed glasses of yours.”

“Your cape is stupid.”

“Your outfit looks like it was bought from a sale on a thrift store.”

You gasped at that, honestly offended. “How fuckin dare you, the material on this is the most expensive fuckin thing you could ever get in alternia and my shirt alone is worth more than your snarky ass.”

“You sure about that, fish boy? My ass is worth a pretty hefty amount. Like, maybe 2 bags of diamonds. That’s weighing something like 2 tons each. How fucking heavy are diamonds even? I don’t know, but my ass is sure as hell much more expensive than yours. But the fuck knows, I haven’t see yours yet. We may never know.”

You pinch the bridge of your nose with your head down, yet you were trying to fight the smile that creeps up your face, along with trying to hold back laughter from spilling all over the place. God, the talking. The rambling. He sounds so annoying, and he says the stupidest shit, it’s almost hilarious. But you’re not going to admit that and instead, you act as irked as you can, voice and tone a hint of aggression. “Wwill you shut your gaping mouth hole? Jegus christ, you’re almost as bad as Karkat wwhen it comes to ramblin’. Good thing you don’t shout and preach your stupidity all over the goddamn place like does.”

And for the first time, you hear him laugh, although it’s more of a chuckle and was light enough to barely be audible if the door behind the two of had not been closed. Something twists in your stomach and your even more curious about this stranger compared to before. In a span of a few minutes, he’s played your emotions like a perfect violin, making you angry, confused, and want to laugh at times. It’s… Strange, to say the least.

“What, you don’t like talking about my ass, or yours?”

You faked a growl, trying to hide your honest amusement at this meaningless conversation you’re having with him. “Please stop talking. About anything. Your ass or mine. Just stop.”

“Well, how do you feel now?” He suddenly asks and you tensed up, quickly up at him, but he’s not looking you. He’s looking at the sky, at the sea of fast stars passing both of you by. 

You bit your lip. “Wwhat do you mean?”

“When I asked if you’ve ever looked at a mirror before, I was asking if you knew what you looked like. You kinda wear your heart on your sleeve, dude. It’s kinda easy to read you.” He explained, and this new discovery makes you feel… You’re not sure yet, you’ll have to piece how this may factor into your relationships and what the hell exactly is wrong with you to fail at every quadrant you ever try to fill.

That’s something you’ve never really thought of. How do people perceive you? You’re too caught up thinking all about yourself, all your own desires and wants, but you’ve never really stopped to think about what the others really think of you. A genocidal maniac? a high maintenance unwanted bastard? A blubbering desperate fucker who’d fill a quadrant with almost anyone? What does she think about you? Someone to constantly babysit to stop from utterly murdering everyone in sight,- something you indeed, almost did? What do you think about yourself? You’re seeing more and more reasons to make her throwing you away justifiable. You were ass, and you had ignored what she wanted, too caught up in what you think is best for her. You didn’t consider her happiness, it was always about you.

Yet, at the same time, you didn’t think about your own needs, and now you’re stuck in this inescapable pit of despair. You were so hung up on her, so desperate to fill that empty feeling in the core of your being, you were willing to fill it with hatred and anger and violence. You’ve fucked everything up. And now, you’re lumped with the people on a watchlist for who to look out for in case they break out again and try to kill everyone. Everyone is cautious around you. Even Karkat. And it feels like a knife is being twisted in your stomach at this very second-

You feel a tap on your shoulder and you glance over, to see that he’s much closer to you now than before. You can see yourself in his shades once again, eyes puffy. You clearly look like you’re about to cry and your fingers were trembling. He’s right, you show your emotions on your sleeve. You got too caught up in your own mind that you had forgotten your surroundings, that you had forgotten he was even with you right now.

And you just got vulnerable in front of him.

With a vicious growl, you pushed him away, scampering up on your feet and running back into the party, only to pass by everyone and run down another dark hallway, arms on your eyes.

You’re a huge fucking mess.


	2. Curiosity

You aren’t even sure what had just occurred. In all honesty, you had simply come out into the deck under the pretence of getting some air, but really, you just wanted to avoid the wine and alcohol Terezi and Vriska seemed to be very enthusiastic about sharing.You don’t exactly have a good history with liquor. Not that you took it yourself, but you’d really rather not remember it.

 

What surprises you is that Rose decides to take a sip, despite her own previous problems with her guardian taking it. But you’re in no place to lecture her. Although, you do think a single sip isn’t all that bad, but you just really would rather not.

 

When you had come out, you were surprised by the instantaneous hiss and death threat directed your way. You didn’t realize that the other sea dweller had been hiding out in here. His features were oddly entrancing to you, even when it’s curled up in a vicious snarl.

 

You had exchanged banter with the other for a little while, since after your first exchange and the silence settled in for a little while, you realized that the other looked like a mix of all sorts of negative emotions. You found it interesting how much a person, well, a being in general, can say with just their face, something you weren’t used to with your own facial features, due to how you had been raised. It was a strange sight to you, since you’ve never seen someone as expressive as the others. It was distracting, he lets his emotion show, as if asking for attention without meaning to.His eyes were a darker shade of violet compared to your ecto-sister. His eyes looked much sharper through, with dark eye bags under his eyes, indicating a lack of sleep. You’re surprised, many of you have your own sleeping issues. But what you were fascinated about with the other’s intensity in his eyes when he’s got a thinking face on. And it seemed, while he thought hard about things, he realized something unflattering as his eyes slightly closed to half the size they usually were. Half lidded. His lips twitched, before curling into a grim  line, and you knew something was bothering the other.

 

So, using your usual Strider charms, you had tried to at least maybe alleviate whatever he was going through by distracting him a little.

 

You found it amusing how he tried to act all impolite, aggressive and angry at you, despite the stupid grin he wore on his face and the way his shoulders lightly trembled and fins flared up from trying to stop himself from laughing. Or when he wore that expression of confused amusement on his face, eyes slightly squinting at you and lips slightly parted. You just happened to easily notice these types of things. Small little cues and behaviors from everyone. You had to. One second, you could be sharing breakfast with your bro, and before you knew it, the next second, you could be in a strife battle for your life.

 

Then, you must have said something wrong because he started to think. And that, too, was entertaining to watch. How his brows creased not in a way of hostility, like he was really thinking hard about something, and the way he brings a hand up unconsciously to bite at his thumb nail that almost made him look like a big baby sucking it’s thumbs. You honestly found quite adorable, because he’s still so unaware of himself when it’s what you literally just told him.

 

Then his face twists to one of resignation, and no, you were having none of that shit. So, you had carefully crawled over to touch him lightly on the shoulder and he seemed about ready to jump off to paradox space. And even the transition of his face up close was funny to you, but he had shoved you and ran off. You hadn’t even caught his name.

 

But when you do eventually back in, everyone had looked at you, all with mixed emotions. Rose had come up to you to explain things, but most of it went in one ear, and out the other. It was something about him being dangerous and shit and about what he did, but you’re not one to dabble in bullshit assumptions and rumors. You had a hard time believing what you heard on someone like him.

 

His stature, from your estimation, was just a little shorter than you, with a lanky build, his clothes hanging off of him loosely. Like you said, he looked like a tall lanky baby, and the description of him as ‘dangerous’ wouldn’t connect in your mind. 

 

But this only made you more curious about him.


	3. Sleepwalking

The next time you encounter him, it was after sleep walking. You had no fuckin idea what the hell that had meant when had strolled into the observatory after a long while of twisting and turning in your sopor slime, unable to find sleep despite the calming effects of it. Thoughts kept you up, and sadly, the sopor slime just couldn’t stop or make your thoughts hazy enough to fall into the arms of sleep.

 

You hadn’t spoken except in passing for a long while. You guess in human time, it would be almost…6 months? 6 perigrees. The meteor still had a whole sweep and a half left to go before you made it on the other side of wherever it was you guys were even travelling to.

 

During that time, you had been only in your boxers, slime still sticking to some places on your body. You didn’t hear it at first, but the closer you got to the massive telescope, the more prominent it sounded.

 

It was whimpering, and you had tensed up when you heard it. With careful yet deliberate steps, you followed the faint noises to a corner of the observatory filled with old, unused equipment to find a trembling blonde curled up in a ball. Dave. Dave Strider. You had learned his name over time, from the loud roaring of the grey troll he always seemed to fancy annoying. He was in a red sports shorts with a plain black t-shirt on top. Your heart immediately jumped to your throat, making you freeze at the sight. All the time you’ve ever seen him, he had been quiet, calm, cool, and collected. You never would’ve pinned the word ‘terrified’ or ‘vulnerable’ on him. Then, you remember your brief interaction together in the deck behind the party. That brief moment of a clink in your armor, where he had peered into you and almost saw you break down. It feels like fate, and your stomach sinks at the mere thought of hope for anything to come out of this.

 

Still, you had stayed, moved closer even, because during the time you were distressed, he had stayed too, despite your clear threats. Something the others would’ve taken seriously and might’ve actually put you in solitary for a while. 

 

You put a hand on his shoulder slowly, testing the waters, but he had cowered from you lifting his head up to you. Only for you to find his eyes were completely closed, tears streaking down his pale, freckled face. He had whimpered about not wanting to be hurt, about someone called ‘bro’? Either way, you had tried to grab him by either sides of his shoulders and tried shook him light at first, but he simply kept on trying to crawl away from you, uttering apologies for things you did not understand.

 

Eventually, you had slapped him to get him out of his haze and he had snapped his eyes open to you. You stared back at his wide eyes, almost as wide as yours to see vibrant red orbs. There was a long pause of silence, of just the two of you staring at the other’s eye. You, in wonder. He, it seemed, in terror. 

 

Then, in a swift motion, he was up and about trying to locate his shades, almost on the verge of panicking. You frowned at that. It was a strange sight for someone you barely knew. “Hey, it’s fine, wwhat’s so important about ‘em anyways that you need to wwear them at your evvery waking hour of your life?”

 

He didn’t respond, instead continuing to throw random crap around the observatory and completely messing up the whole room. You got up and strolled close to him, putting a hand on his shoulder when he suddenly turned to you with wide, terrified eyes. And something about it hits you hard in the stomach. You’re not sure what it was right now, but you had that same sinking, twisting feeling in your stomach, that uncomfortable sense of dread. The fear in his eyes were so vivid, it feels like it’s almost transferring over to you. You’ve never felt such a strong connection of empathy with someone before.

 

“Wwhy are you so scared?” It was a simple enough question. But at that, he had broken into racking sobs, shoulders shaking with intensity. You had let go of his shoulder for a moment, that sinking feeling growing more prominent in your stomach. Dread. But why? Maybe it’s because you’ve been in the same position, scared out of your mind- You shake your head immediately, dispersing the thought before it could form at all.

 

Or perhaps it’s the pure, raw emotion of it all that sent mixed feelings in your stomach. The potency of his fear was so strong, it was practically emanating from his body, and it was scaring you because you had no idea what’s got him so scared and you want to help, but you’re helpless, just watching.

 

You had stayed like that, staring at him from a few steps away, until he eventually crumpled to the floor, breathing coming fast and strained. You watched. But you did not make a move to leave. But nor did you make a move to get closer. You don’t have permission to. And you don’t want to take advantage of this situation like you had with everything else in your life. Using your blood color to manipulate and get what you desired, all but the relationships you truly craved for. 

 

No, you were not going to take advantage of someone who’s clearly vulnerable to attempt to get closer. Get attached. 

 

When he finally calmed down, he had crawled over to you and rested his head against you. He snuggled up against shamelessly, seeming too tired to care about the consequences of doing something like that. You don’t blame him though, he looked worse for wear, eyes almost as red as his irises, nose much in the same condition. His cheeks were flushed and he felt incredibly hot under your touch. Like a burning hot water bottle wrapped in a towel to be able to hold the damn thing. 

 

You bite your lip and wrap your arms around him tentatively before he started to speak, voice gravelly and hoarse, very much unlike the silky smooth tone he usually talked in. “‘orry. Sleep walkin’ and shit tends to take me to random places. Reason why I picked the bedroom farthest from everyone else, so if I do sleep walk again, nobody come come across me until I wake up in the morning.” He explained slowly, voice hushed and through shallow deep breaths.

 

You simply shushed him, cradling him in your hands like a kid. Because it’s true, all of you were still kids going through one hell of a fucking adventure together. Hell, you’re only 7 and a half sweeps old now and you’ve almost killed 2 of your friends. Although you’re not supposed to feel guilt for killing anyone, especially with your blood caste, you can’t help but think about the what if scenario and if you had killed them and others possibly, and you keep trying to imagine how you would’ve felt afterwards- You can’t wrap your mind around it.

 

“Why’re you here?” He questioned quietly, taking you out of your thoughts once again. You can’t help but smile, glad for the distraction.

 

“Just had a hard time sleepin. Thought I’d vvisit the observvatory for a bit and check out the stars. Thought it might ease my mind or some poetic bullshit like that.” You had answered, chuckling softly as the other seemed to shift even more closer than he already was, desperate for comfort and touch.

 

“Well, stay here with me for a while. Maybe we can both help each other fall asleep. Who knows.” He suggested, your heart fluttering. But you immediately put a stop to the steady growing glimmer of hope- You’ve heard him exchange many arguments with Karkat about not wanting to be ‘involved in quadrant bullsit’. If you let yourself hope, you set up expectations. When those expectations aren’t reached, you’ll only hurt yourself. That’s what you’ve learned. So you keep hope at bay.

 

You two had stayed like that for a little while, the silence between you comforting.


	4. Capes Off

Your 3rd encounter doesn’t happen for another perigree later. This time, you had actively sought out his company, seeking to somehow recreate what the two of you shared during that time, but every chance you get seemed to swiped away by many of the others. Help researching for beating the game and what’s waiting for them at the end of this trip.

You were excluded from activities like that, and although everyone was trying to be nice enough for you, whenever you did come out from your respiteblock. There would always be a sense of awkwardness around the lounge area and you beginning to get really sick of it.

The next time you two had crossed paths was in the same observatory room where you had seen him break down. Where he had openly crawled into your arms and nuzzled into you. The memory really hasn’t left you since then as the crippling sense of loneliness began to settle into the pit of your stomach more and more. You had tried to ignore it, and you were mostly successful, but with not much to do around the meteor and everyone avoiding you like the plague, your thoughts tend to alway creep up on you, clouding your judgement and keeping you more and more rooted in the place of your recuperacoon.

You mostly thought of her during these times. With eyes closed, you re-lived your happiest moments with her, remembering every single smile and every word exchanged. She had taught you how to fix your hair. While you had always been by her side whenever a storm rolled in, despite being deathly afraid of thunderstorms yourself.

Opening your eyes slowly, you stared at your empty arms, slowly opening it and closing it. You remembered sharing your recuperacoon with her once, her long, long locks engulfing you. It felt like she had been hugging you all over back then. But now, she’s gone. She won’t even meet your eyes and there will always be this underlying fear in your every interaction with her.

You sat up from the sopor slime, gasping and wheezing your stomach tightening in the most uncomfortable way. It wasn’t painful- uncomfortable. Like having your body bound and are being pulled in two directions. That’s how your stomach felt like, tightening and clenching around you that you almost want to rip into your intestines and pull it out to end the never ending discomfort. The hot tears that escaped your eyes made you feel like you wanted to vomit out your very being. You wanted to restart. You want to just be friends with her again. Moirails.

But you just had to ruin everything in your attempts to quell your own desires.

The loneliness was killing you.

Then, your head flashed to the time you had spent with the blonde haired male you had called a prick. You remember the terror in his whimpering, the pain in his wretched sobs. Then, with slow but sure movements, you dragged yourself from your recuperacoon and into your absolution block and rinsed yourself off of the slime. Afterwards, you had clothed yourself in comfortable clothing, leaving your cape behind.

You had worn a simple long sleeves and plain jeans and your scarf. It feels a little unusual to go without cape, the weight on your shoulders feeling unnatural. You decided to follow Strider’s advice and wear normal clothing.

You make the slow trek to the observatory room, wanting to see it for yourself and remember one of the few good memories you’ve made since you’ve started your journey on the meteor.

And to your pleasant surprise, the one you’ve been looking for all this time, was here.  
-  
“Davve.” He had called your name out loud far too enthusiastically,but you find your heart fluttering at the sound. With careful steps, he crossed the room to stand by your side, following your gaze to stare out at the sky above.

It’s been a long while since you’ve seen him, and you’re aware of his attempts to talk to you lately. But you’ve just been so preoccupied with everyone else that you haven’t had the time to spend any with him. What makes it even harder is the fact that everyone seems to quietly reject him, almost like an unspoken agreement between everyone. Although, you might be stretching it a little. It was mostly your ecto-sister, Kanaya, Feferi, and Sol. Understably enough for the last two since they were the ones attacked but Rose is being overprotective of Kan, constantly trying to pull her away any time the two had so much as made eye contact. You found it unfair and you would talk to her, but she’d simply talk cryptic shit to you once again and totally derail the conversation to lead to you and your psyche for even trying to talking her about the matter. It’s almost as if she’s saying that there’s something with you for even interacting with the sea dweller.

Vriska and Terezi were simply too involved in each other along with trying to prank the ever loving shit out of everyone in the meteor, especially Gamzee and Karkat though. Although, you have seen Vriska talk snarkily about Eridan when he’s not lurking around the lounge. She spills a lot of details about their black fling, some you’d honestly rather not hear. So, you’d learned to tune out her voice.

You only now glance over at the other, and was unable to stop yourself from giving out an uncharacteristic chuckle. He wasn’t wearing his usual obnoxious cape. The one that always lingers in the corner of your vision when he watched everybody from afar on the common area. 

You see him visibly flush, already knowing what you find so amusing before he’d even asked the question. “Wwhat’s so funny?”

His voice. His accent. You don’t realize how comforting they sound. They remind you of when he had held you that night in this very same room, when he didn’t turn away from you with how you had reacted, when he had stayed. 

“You’re not wearing your obnoxious self righteous cape.” You pointed out and watch in silent amusement at the way his fins flare up. Although it was dim in the room, with only the blinking lights of the stars above lighting up the space the both of you occupied, you can easily see the flush that continued to spread through his cheeks and up his fins. Your eyes were sensitive to the sun, easily hurting from the sunlight, but you can easily see in the dark to makeup for it. Your shades used to be for that purpose with hiding your eye color simply being a second perk. But now, that’s the only purpose they serve.

“Shut up. I just didn’t feel like wwearin it.” He quipped back, sliding his hands into his pockets.

“Sure. Keep telling yourself that if it makes you sleep at night.”

“Says you. You’re such a motherfuckin hypocrite, Strider. You’re wwearin’ your owwn set of ‘obnoxious self righteous cape’. And I remember you telling Kar, and I quote, ‘Don’t touch my cape.’” He said, attempting to copy your flat toned voice, your default one when talking to anyone. It gets a chuckle out of you.

“Yeah well, hypocrisy aside, you look good.” You casually mention to the other, watching his violet eyes looks at you with wonder and hope. Then, as quickly as it came, it flickered away. There’s a tinge of disappointment in your chest along with a twisting of guilt from the pit of your stomach. You shouldn't play with him like this, but you just find his expressions to be far too precious to pass up.

Another long silence settled between the two of you before you finally speak again when he doesn’t.

“I’m sorry, by the way.”

He perked up at this, glancing your way once again. You can’t help but find the way he turns too quickly only to turn his head away and retry it more slowly as if the first head turn had never happened to be cute. “Wwhat for?”

“Y’know. I know you’ve been trying to reach me and all that but I’ve been preoccupied with everyone else. I’m sorry.”

“Wwhy wwould you be sorry for such a stupid lil thin’, Strider? It doesn’t matter, you’re popular wwith the others and I get it. Wwe’re the complete opposite.” He said as a matter of factly, and it makes you turn towards him. Is that how he perceived you? The popular one?

You laughed bittersweetly, catching the other’s attention once more, his eyebrows creasing in worry. Everything about him was so obvious, it’s almost painful for you to see. “Me? The popular one? Naw. I’m just someone who hides with a stupid facade of arrogant self righteous prick trying to cope with the fact that I am utterly depressed. There’s nothing cool about me. I may act like I’m the epitome of cool, calm, connectedness, and I do pride myself in my ability to camouflage all my feelings like a cold blooded badass in some cool scifi book to movie adaptation. But like all book to movie adaptations, those are utter shit.” You say nonchalantly, waving a dismissive hand. God, you just can’t shut up can you? Rambling to hide the meaning you try and get across. “Like seriously, those movies are such utter bullshit. It's like the filmmakers didn’t even read the goddamn book, like what the fuck. Studio producers and big name companies kill the culture man.” You’ve gone totally off topic, but you can’t stop the words from overflowing from your mouth. “Speaking of culture, you know what has culture? Paul blart mall cop. That shit’s hilarious as fuck. And probably the only damn troll version I’d ever want to fucking see, honestly, out of all the shitty movies Karkat tries to get me to watch, and thank god he’s moved on from recommending shitty romcoms-”

“Davve.”

You immediately halt, taking in a sharp breath. You suddenly feel like your lungs are constricted and you can't breathe. You take in another gulp of air, breathing in and out. “Davve.” You meet his eyes.

Then, repeats the question from long one. “Wwhat are so afraid of?”

And immediately, you answer, without hesitation. “Falling.” 

Why are you spilling your guts out to him?

He clearly frowned at that and he reached a hand out. You reflexively flinch away when it reached for your shades. The expression on his face felt like a gunshot through your chest and you grab his hand back when he lowered it, action seemingly rejected. You guide his hand over to your shades, your own hand trembling. Carefully, he pulls the piece of item from your eyes and for a third time, you start a mini staring contest with him.

Suddenly, he strolls over to a corner with some of the old equipment and takes a seat on the floor. You frowned when he patted the spot beside him, opening his arms to you. With a nervous bite of your lip, you follow over to where Eridan sat, scooting closer so he could drape an arm over you. You're a bit confused by the whole situation, but you're too far gone at this point. He's seen at your most fragile state, and he had handled you with great care. There's no point trying to hide with him anymore. 

“Alright, spill. Wwhat’s so scary about falling. And wwhat kind of falling are you evven talking about?” He questioned you, and you can hear the slight faltering of his voice at the second sentence.

You had grit your teeth, looking down at your lap, playing with the edges of your cape. “You wouldn't want to hear it.” You simply mutter quietly. He scoffs at you.

“Strider, cut the bullshit. You and I both knoww that no one on this gogforsaken rock is okay. And if you're wworried about ‘triggerin’ me, wwell, let me just say, I can handle baggage. Its probably not evven as bad as mine. So, spill your guts out. And please keep any phallic jokes aside.”

You look over at him, raising an eyebrow. “Do you stalk me, Eri?” You suggest, wiggling your eyebrows. “Cause we don't know each other very well, yet you act like you've known me for years or sweeps of whatever it is you trolls use as a measurement of time. How do you know I like dick jokes?”

Again he scoffs and shifted to pull a piece of hair out of your head. You yelped in surprise and glared over at the sea troll who's fins were flared up, dusted a dark violet all the way to his cheeks. He doesn't look back at you, instead he stared straight ahead. “It's common knowwledge that you like ‘dick’ jokes and other nasty humor. I don't gotta stalk for for shit like that.”

You smirked. “Now that I think about it, there's something I never confirmed.” You mused, clearly catching his attention. “Could you stand up for me?”

Seemed to look confused for a moment but does so. “Strider, wwhat the fuck is this for?”

You hummed. “Alright, turn around for him. I just wanna check something about your height.” You grinned devilishly as he does so, mumbling about stalling and bullshit.

“Hey Eri, wanna know why I told you to take your cape off all that time before?”

You laugh as you watched him tense up before whirling around and stomping back towards you, whole face flushed. With embarrassment or anger, you don’t know. “You’re just fuckin’ stallin’! No more of this bullshit, wwe’re goin’ to talk and you’re goin’ to glubbin’ tell me wwhat’s wrong. Like a moirail ‘supposed to-”

You watch him freeze up before stammering heavily, his weird speech impediment showing more prominently. You laugh lightly at him. “I mean- I-I didn’t mean- I k-knoww t-that you don’t- I jus-st meant that- you knoww? I-I…”

You simply nod your head, this time, being the one to coax him to sit back down beside you. “‘S fine. I get it. That’s the one for friends and basically therapy help, right?” You inquired. He bites his lower lip nervously, nodding his head slowly. “Then ‘s fine. Everything’s fine, I don’t mind it. C’mere.”

He finally sat back down beside you and you carefully rested your head on his broad shoulders. There’s not much difference in height between the two of you so it was leaning against him didn’t take much shifting to get comfortable. He’s got his hand on top of yours, loosely intertwined. You normally wouldn’t allow for such affection, but you thought it was fine. There was nobody but the two of you and there was no need to hide from him. He’s knows how pathetic you really are. What’s the harm in being moirails with a sea dwelling creature known as an almost killer among your group. 

It was totally chill.

With a sigh, you began to talk. “I get a lot of night terrors and sleep paralysis. Sometimes, I sleep walk due to some mental condition Rose keeps trying to get me to sit down and assess.”

He seemed to snort and you glanced over at him with a raised eyebrow. He bites his lip. He seems to have a habit of doing that quite a bit. It reminds you of the time in the deck so long ago. Some parts of the memory are hazy with how long its been, but you remember how when he was thinking, he would unconsciously reach up and bite the tips of his sharp thumbnails. “I don't like her much.” He finally said, fidgeting with his scarf. 

You simply nodded. You can understand why, but you ask away anyway. “Why?”

Again, he seemed to think a hard about it, moving his hand from fiddling with the piece of cloth to bite his nails. Before he can answer, you couldn't help but laugh at the sight of him. His gaze moved to you, raising an eyebrow above his dark rimmed glasses. “Wwhat noww, jackass?”

“Nothin’.” You shrug casually. “Just that you look like a baby doing your thumb thing when you're really thinking hard about something.” You chuckled, yet his frown continued to deepen, expression shifting to one of confusion now. 

“Baby? Wwhat do you mean?”

“Dude, in Earth, babies sucked their thumbs. It helped bring out their teeth or whatever in a process called ‘teething’.” You explained and you watched as his nose scrunched up.

“That’s disgustin’.” He concluded.

Again, you shrug your shoulders. “I know. Earth was weird. We made films about two or more people getting naked and call it entertainment.”

“Porn?”

“Yes, porn, Eridan. As if that wasn't clear enough.” Your tone is thick with sarcasm but you keep your smile to let the other know there was no meaning of hostility behind it.

He makes this scrunched up nose thing again and his mouth twists downward that clearly depicted his digest without words, but at the same time, you can see that his fins were flared up and his cheeks was dusted with a dark shade of violet. “Please don't ever fuckin’ talk about porn wwith me, you are a garbage human bein’.”

You laugh mirthfully. “Why? Does moirallegiance talk not cover topics such as our own materialistic husk that is our bodies? According to Karkat, you're supposed to talk about everything with your moirail.” You say in a specific way, wiggling your eyebrows at him. He does his little lip bite thing and averted his gaze. 

“Wwell… He is right. Most moirails are comfortable talking about almost evverything including but not limited to… sexual activvities and uhm… s-sexual preferences. Most are even comfortable enough to show off their bodies to the other in a none sexualized manner.” 

Oh god. He took your question seriously and now you don't know what to do with this information. Thankfully, before you had to answer to what he just said, he turned to you with eyes as wide as saucers. He grabbed the collars of your godtier hood. “W-wait, are you- d-did you just call me your moirail?!”

Well, you're too far in. Although you doubt you'd get close to him to the point of sharing private information like that, you don't think it'd be too bad to talk to the guy about your issues every now and again. A little vent is healthy, although Rose’s constant psychoanalysis of your psyche ruins it. And you haven't found anyone else to talk to about issues like this one. And you suppose, you want to be there for the other too, seems like he's still got quite a bit clouding his head. “Yeah, sure, why not? I’ll try it out.”

He ended to flush intensely for moment, fins flaring. The two of stare at each other for a long while, and it takes you a moment to realize that he’s only inches away from you. Your breath hitches when you unconsciously looked from his violet down to his nose, where you noticed tiny dark freckles against his grey complexion, down to his-

You quickly turned away, chuckling and shifting to run your fingers through his hair. “Anyways, as your new moirail, I guess it's my job you tell you-” He eyes once more looked up, expectant. You hesitate for a moment with your next words but decide to go through with it, no matter how stupid it will sound or how stupid it will make you seem. “You’ve got a great ass.”

This time, he slaps you hard on the shoulder, letting out a noisy sound between a growl, a groan, and a whine. “You're a dick, Strider.”

“The biggest.” You wink at him.

He slaps you again.


End file.
